ON BEING A WORKING MOM
Moms wear different hats everyday but working moms focused on two particular hats – motherhood and career.
You’re probably in your early 20’s to mid 40’s. You have kids. Likely two or three (or more), age ranging from a newborn to seven years old to early teen hood.
In this stage, you are feeling exhausted. Pressed hard, pushed hard and loved hard. You are mentally, physically and emotionally tired.
You are in a stage where your little ones want and need you the most. You are dealing with tantrums, teething and maybe skin infections. You are trying to balance life, but you just can’t. Juggling between nap schedules, feeding schedules, yoga sessions, play school or homeschooling, you’ll probably drop a ball or two.
You are eaten by guilt.
Guilt of giving your kids only limited time because you need to go to work. Guilt of not hearing their first word and jealousy that they’ve said “papa” first before “mama” because you’re away and papa takes care of them. Or, guilt of leaving your kids with a yaya or your parents. Guilt of still having to go to work during your rest day because your bills are waiting to be paid and you need to go shopping because baby needs diaper and milk.
You are jealous.
Of those moms who stay at home but have more than enough. That can play with the kids all day long and still manage to stay pretty. Jealous that they can have a vacation out of town and you can’t even attend your grandmother’s birthday because your leave was not approved (or you have exhausted all your leave credits when your family got sick for a month – this was a personal experience).
That moment when you wanted to quit, to let go and just run from all these responsibilities. That moment when pay day is near and yet you are not excited but much worried that what you’ll get won’t be enough.
That moment when you go to work, it rained hard and your last pair of shoes is smiling with you. You wanted to cry, but you manage to still smile (with your rain-soaked-and –smiling-shoes).
You go back to the beginning. You picture -think your darlings, they need you. This is your JOB – to be their mom and their provider.
At this moment you may be struggling with identity. Am I just a plain “mommy” or “just” a working mom? Is there anything about me that’s not about being a mom, or is there any other things better than mothering my kids?
You might say, I look like a mom now, totally a mommy with those stretch marks and belly fats. No time for make up or fixing those messy eyebrows but still manage to go to work looking (a lil) presentable.
This is the moment that you are (so much) overloaded. With questions, with expectations and a long list of all the important and even unimportant to-do’s, overloaded with activities and THOUGHTS (on how you’ll get through with all these).
It’s hard, isn’t it?
So… what keeps us on our feet? What fuels us to continue?
Mostly, what can we do to make it easier or at least survive it all?
We need help.
Maybe from our partners in life or parents or girlfriends? We need a little tap on our shoulders and a helping hand.
We need to accept ‘that’ help
From simple things such as “I’ll wash the dishes” from your husband or maybe a sibling; to “I’ll look after the kids while you’re away”. Isn’t it sweet?
Don’t expect perfection
We ask for help, we accepted it, but PLEASE do not expect that they’ll do it meticulously as we do. We are different and we have to accept that we can’t take it all by ourselves.
Make time for yourself
Even if it’s just less than 15 minutes of doing what you WANT. Reading a book, checking on FB or painting or writing or meditating or ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU, YOU!
Lastly and most importantly…
remember that this stage is beautiful, that this is the sweetest. This is the stage that your kids love you more than anyone, that you are faced with only teething, skin infections or tantrums (wait until teen hood comes and bullying and peer pressure and all!), this is the moment that your kids are nearest to you. The moment that you can laugh with them, play with them, teach them and be with them.
I know it’s hard, even harder because you have two different worlds to attend to – home and the corporate.
But, be proud! Because you are being used to be a channel of blessings and hope and love.
This is the moment that we ought to embrace life and its bittersweet treats.
That moment before going to work, those shower of tiny kisses, big hugs, smiles and laughter, those “I love you, Mom…” that take away all the pain and tiredness.
That’s the joy of motherhood. Of seeing your child/children happy, healthy and full of love.
It’s the stage where you are young enough to have fun, and old enough to have obtained at least SOME wisdom. – Hayley Hengst
And surely, you’ll be missing all these as time passed by…
Hats off to all (us) working moms who’ve desired to just stay at home to live life according to purpose, but still choose to keep going and love both worlds!
Mary Grace Sanchez-Suycano